


any day but today

by CapriciousCrab



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, How Phil feels about Valentine's Day, Implied Sexual Content, Introspection, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Valentine's Day, Vignette, holiday avoidance, mentions of a certain video
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 14:37:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13683699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapriciousCrab/pseuds/CapriciousCrab
Summary: He hates Valentine's Day.Oh, not the meaning of the day itself because everyone knows he's a sentimental fool. There isn't anyone who loves showering people with love and affection like Phil Lester.





	any day but today

He hates Valentine's Day.

  
Oh, not the meaning of the day itself because everyone knows he's a sentimental fool. There isn't anyone who loves showering people with love and affection like Phil Lester. No, what he hates are the memories associated with today, those feelings he still gets when he thinks about it for too long. Embarrassment. Fear. Resentment. Those emotions and more swirl through his body, coalescing into a toxic mood that manifests itself in the tense set of his shoulders and the headache that's beginning to pound behind his eyes.

He's never blamed Dan. They were young and scared and suddenly out when they hadn't intended to be. They weren't hiding anything, it was all on display for anyone who cared to look, but now there were millions of eyes watching, speculating, judging. It had been too much for young Dan to handle so when he shoved them both into the closet, Phil went without protest. He'd agreed but oh, it hurt. Every denial, every expression of disgust turned the handle of the blade, widening the gash in his heart until all he could do was bleed in private. He'd vowed never to let his personal thoughts and feelings be fodder for public consumption again and here he was, thirty-one years old and still repressed.

 

**************

 

Now they try to make new Valentine's Day memories, usually at Dan's urging, but it's hard when caution and a calculated distance are always at the forefront of their minds. There are no romantic dinners with lingering looks over glasses of wine for them. No getting cozy in a dark theater, no late night walking hand-in-hand. What they have are dinners with friends or game nights in. And it's good, he knows it is. He loves and appreciates the people who share his life. But sometimes he longs for more and the older he gets, the harder it is to wait.

They've already exchanged their cards and trinkets this morning over a lazy breakfast. His card to Dan this year was filled with innuendo, with a clever dick joke that made him snicker. Dan's a romantic, for all that he tries to deny it, and goes for the soppy card every time. Phil's saved every single one he's been given, tucked away in a hollow book nestled into their bookshelf. He likes to re-read them on days when he's feeling low, when the pressures of the world grow too great and he wants to throw it all away and run. Days like today.

 

 

**************

He's been avoiding his social media so far, pretending to be busy with tour planning or emails...anything to prolong the inevitable. He knows his little corner of the internet is going to be flooded with fan-created art or gifs, with authors writing fanfiction that elevates his and Dan's relationship into something mythical. And on any day but today he'd smile and move on, appreciating the creativity and devotion of their viewers. But he knows that it doesn't end there and he just doesn't have the energy to spend another February 14th getting copies of the damn video taken down.

He sighs and opens his laptop, deciding to get it over with. It's Cornelia's birthday and he needs to tweet something but he can't think of anything clever. So he tweets a simple 'happy birthday' and some nonsense about pancakes, intending to log off after and hid under the duvet for the rest of the night. Against his better judgment, he browses through his mentions, certain he's going to eventually find links to the video but instead he finds lovely art. Valentine-themed of course and featuring him and Dan, but not as blatantly shippy as past years. Sure, there are a few, but most of those he's glanced at have been cute-featuring dogs or sweets or even pancakes. They make him smile a bit, the tension headache receding to a manageable ache.

 

 

**************

He's about to close his laptop and head upstairs when he notices Dan's tweet. The laugh bursts out of his mouth uncontrolled as he tips his head back against the sofa. He places his laptop on the table and walks to the foot of the stairs, calling up as he climbs.  
  
“Did you honestly just tweet about wanking?”  
  
“I wouldn't have to tweet about wanking if you would just get in here already”  
  
He walks into the room where Dan is reclining against the headboard, phone in hand. Dan looks up at him and smiles, flashing the dimple that Phil loves so much. He rolls to his side and props his head on his hand, brown eyes searching his for a hint of his mood. Dan's smile grows and he reaches out his arm to Phil, grabbing for his hand.  
  
“Well, are you going to leave me alone and needy?” he pouts, rolling onto his back and stretching like a cat.  
  
Phil pulls off his shirt and climbs onto the bed, positioning himself over Dan and cradling his face in his hands. He looks down into the face of the man he loves and smiles, rubbing their noses together.  
  
“It's what you deserve for that tweet. Honestly, if it were any day but today...”  
  
And later, after they've napped, and showered, and stayed up too late playing Mario Cart, Phil thinks to himself that maybe this Valentine's Day wasn't so bad after all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm on Tumblr, stop by and say hello!  
> capriciouscrab.tumblr.com


End file.
